Glenn's Diary

Chapter 14

19th August 2005, 3.00pm

Spirit for lost souls of children: Luciana

Arrived at Mom’s. It’s her birthday. We took her a card and a beautiful, huge bouquet of red flowers.

My brother’s car was in the drive. Mark is 7 years younger than me. We’ve never really managed to get on. I’ve tried many times in the past, but he’s just shut me out. Mark lived in my shadow for years with Mom and Dad. He constantly got compared to me with his performance at school, because he didn’t do quite as well. He’s resented that comparison all his life.

I walked to the house and rang the bell. Mark came and let us in. The house is a small detached bungalow in a private cul-de-sac in Beighton; South East of Sheffield. As I walked into the living room, Mom noticed me and in a matter-of-fact voice said, “Oh, hello!” She wasn’t expecting us.

I gave her the flowers and birthday card. She said, “I’ve got flowers coming out of my ears.” No thank you. No hug. No kiss. Her and Mark were just about to leave, so we didn’t stay long; and we were on our way to pick up our other car; so it suited us all.

Mark's been really good to Mum and Dad. He's helped them a lot with repairs and travel this past few years.

As we moved to leave, she asked Cooper for a kiss. Cooper obliged. When he went to kiss her, she turned her face away so that he had to kiss her on the cheek. Cooper faltered for a second. He wasn’t used to that. He expected to kiss her on the lips. I’ve gone past trying to force my hugs and kisses on Mom. I feel sorry for her. The torment she must have when she sees others hugging and kissing; yet she won’t bring herself to do it.

When we arrived, there was no, “Oh, lovely to see you. How’ve you been? Thank you for the flowers. How are you all. Where’s Max? Give us a hug!” None of the pleasantries or emotion you’d expect from a loving family. In all the time we were there, she didn’t ask about Max.

As we left, I said goodbye, and she acknowledged it. No, “When are you coming again. Don’t leave it so long this time. Make sure that you call me. I’ll call you soon!” Just, “Alright. Bye!”

Later that day, Jill and I had just been to the cinema at Meadowhall, Sheffield. I’d promised to go with her to see a ‘chick-flick’; Bewitched. Jill wanted a break from the kids. We were 4 weeks into the summer break. After the film we went into an Italian restaurant called Amalfi.

8.05pm

The waiter had just poured us both a glass of red wine, from the bottle we’d just ordered. Jill looked across at me and said, “We’re not alone!” I asked her if Archangel Azrael was here. She said Luciana was by my side, holding my little finger on my left hand.

Glenn: Is she pretty?

Jill: Yes; in a way. She’s almost ‘pixie-like’. Very cute. Big black eyes. She’s so thin. She’s wearing a tunic. No sleeves; up to her neck, and down to her knees.

Glenn: Is she clean?

Jill: No! (As she shook her head and giggled.) She needs a good bath. Her tunic is made of a brown sack-like material. She’s very poor.

Glenn: Aaaahh!

Jill: She says she wishes she could sit in your lap, so you can cuddle her; like you cuddle me, and the boys. You are the ‘Man of Hugs’. (Jill laughs.)

Glenn: The ‘Man of Hugs’?”

Jill: Yes. You give so much love. The love she never had, and always wanted.

Glenn: I wish I could see her, and give her a hug. Where’s she from; Spain or Mexico?

Jill: Mehico!

Glenn: I thought so. That’s where the famine was in 1552; in New Spain.

Jill cocked her head on one side a couple of times. I looked confused. She did it again.

Glenn: Why are you doing ‘that’?

Jill: She’s stood at the side of you, with her head snuggled onto your shoulder.

Glenn: Aaahh; tell her I wish I could hold her.

I took my right hand and imagined where she was stood; and stroked her head and long hair, down to her waist.

Jill made a wriggling gesture; like a child when they’re full of excitement. Jill was showing me that Luciana was giddy with happiness. My eyes were welling up; just as they are now as I’m typing this. What a sop I am!

Jill: She was very close to her Aunt, for the short time they were together. She’d not been there long, before her Uncle killed her; partly because they couldn’t afford to feed her because of the famine, and partly because of the attention she was getting from her Aunt. He didn’t like it. She’s with you a lot!

Glenn: Does she like our children?

Jill: Max. She likes Max. Sometimes she curls up at the bottom of his bed to watch over him.

Glenn: Why only Max?

Jill: ‘He’s’ the strong one. ‘He’s’ in control.

Jill: She’s leaving!