Chapter 26

28th September 2005

1980 - 1989

I was 26 years old, working as a surveyor for a company called Taylor Jackson, in Sheffield, England. Life was fairly good to me. I had a nice new company car, £9000 ($17000) per annum, expenses; and my wife was holding down a good administrative job. Three years into marriage and we had a good income between us.

I was still unhappy with my relationship with my wife, and at this time I was both immature and unwise enough to spare her the indignity of what I was putting her through.

In hindsight, I should have sat down with her and explained my feelings. I didn't want to hurt her; not realising that I was really hurting her more by not talking it out with her. It was a cruel thing for me to do.

If you ever get round to reading this; I'm truly sorry for the pain I put you through. The Lord works in mysterious ways; and I was about to have one of the lessons of the Law of the Universe: 'What goes around, comes around'.

Have you ever noticed around you that when one partner in a relationship has an affair, or multiple affairs; and then 'jumps ship'; invariably, the same happens to them?

Sue Marshall walked into Taylor Jackson in the summer of 1980. She was a new recruit. She wasn't the prettiest of things at the time, but that was to change; and she had a body most women would say they'd die for. And all the men in the team noticed as soon as they saw her.

It's a strange thing. I remember my mom-in-law telling me about how self-esteem is affected by repetitive affirmations. She told me that if you tell a woman she's ugly enough, she'll stop taking care of herself and become ugly. But tell her she's beautiful often enough, and she starts to take more care of herself, groom herself more often; and she becomes beautiful.

This is what happened with Sue. She was in a relationship where an immature young man kept 'pulling her down'. It was his way of hanging on to her. Sue was unhappy in the relationship with him. I'd tell Sue she was beautiful; often; and she blossomed into a beautiful young woman.

Before long we were having an affair. I was besotted with her. She was only 18. I guess I must have been the father figure. I was at my prime too; at my best fighting weight.

By the end of the year I'd left my wife; and out of guilt, took virtually nothing from the marriage. I left her the house and the vast majority of our joint material things. I couldn't bring myself around to telling her the truth about my relationship with Sue. Like an immature idiot, I thought I was doing the right thing, protecting her from more pain. I just didn't understand that the pain was worse for her, not having something material to account for our marriage breakdown. She felt a failure. Again, in hindsight, she probably would have handled it better understanding that I was leaving her for someone else. Sorry Janine.

At 26, I was penniless, living from month-to-month. I moved back in with my parents for a short period of time. Sue put up the funding for a mortgage for a house in the middle of Sheffield. It was a 1887 Victorian town house that was falling apart. There were slug trails every morning in the kitchen and the house hadn't been decorated for at least 20 years. It was November and very cold. There was no heating other than the electric fire in the room we were using. Until Spring came around, we lived in one room adjacent to the kitchen. It was like a cramped bedsit. We sat a portable TV on top of a cardboard box at the bottom of the double bed; our only piece of furniture.

Taylor Jackson were in financial trouble, so I looked around for another Job. I took a job with Balfour Beatty as Commercial Manager at a construction site in Grimesthorpe, near Barnsley. I'd only been there three months, when I got head-hunted by a company in Sheffield. I jumped at the chance. I hated the job with Balfour Beatty and I knew I didn't want to be with them.

What a mistake that turned out to be. It was a Mom and Pop company, and the son was working there too, aged 17, being primed to eventually take over the company. They were really struggling and expected me to be their saviour. They employed me to be their Commercial Manager, but insisted on calling me a Surveyor, but really wanted me to run the whole of the company; but still with tight control by them. It didn't work out.

Before long we bought a new detached house in a village just outside of Sheffield called Beighton.

Sue was pregnant with our first child. She'd walk from Taylor Jackson, about a mile, to where I was working, so I could drive her home. The timing was about right. She'd arrive about 5.30pm. The owners of the company would never speak to her. We knew there was a problem when I got my first wage. They were paying me £10,000 a year, and they gave me my first wage packet in cash. I'd never been paid in cash before, and never weekly. I asked them to take it back and give me a cheque at the end of the month, but they refused.

What I didn't realise at the time, was that they were under the false impression that if they paid me weekly, they could get rid of me at a week's notice if they felt they needed to. They could have still done that if they were paying me monthly.

After three months, I got the sack. First time in 10 years of employment. The owner wanted me to shake the company up; so I did. They were getting ripped off by employees, suppliers, subcontractors and employers; so I put procedures and contracts into place. The old man couldn't handle the flack. He had a blood pressure problem; which is why he brought me into the company in the first instance. He couldn't handle the tough line I was taking with the people who were ripping him off.

Sue was about 8 months pregnant by this time. She was just about to leave work herself for maternity leave. New house to pay for; and we'd really gone out on a limb, new baby arriving; Sue leaving work; and me out of a job. It couldn't get too much worse.

Jodi was born on 27th August 1983. It was one of the most memorable of occasions, bearing in mind the circumstances we were in.

I took a job in October 1983 with a company called Flakeglow Construction. They operated out of a little village called Bolsover in Derbyshire, 12 miles from where I was living. I was their Commercial Manager. I had to appraise the company for outstanding money on contracts and net worth of the company. After 6 weeks of being there; as a result of my report, they liquidated the company. I'd done myself out of a job; and I was back on Social Security again.

I got together with one of the employees and we decided that if anyone could make a go at growing a successful Construction company; 'we' could. And if we couldn't, this volatile industry we were in, wasn't worth bothering with. We were right with the second thought.

Within 2 years we got turnover up to over a million pounds. We had 75 employees and we were working on a £10,000 overdraft with the only bank that would have us in Bolsover: the TSB; who were new to business banking.

A huge organisation called Espley Tyas Trust, working out of Evesham, had 17 companies under it's belt. We were subcontracting to one of them:Manston Homes. The group 'went under' and took us for £60,000. They wiped us out. We had to liquidate the company.

1985, and I was back on Social Security, with my second real failure under my belt. I'd lost all liquid cash and assets that I'd accrued. I just had £1500 to my name.

I was desperate. I knew I didn't want to go back into construction, yet I had no other talent that I was aware of. I finally decided to develop a Motor Repair company from the same site. It was slow going. We survived; barely.

Bianca was born on April 7th 1986. I was working flat out, 6 days a week. I continued with my squash; and I hardly saw them grow up. Our finances started to improve and we were enjoying good holidays in Europe and the Mediterranean. 1986 to 1990 were very good years for us. We were very happy; an exceptionally happy couple.

There was something wrong though. I didn't realise it at the time. I can't have been as happy as I thought I was. I was still in 'hunt mode'. I was still out on a Friday night at Disco's with male friends, on the pick-up. Nothing serious. I wasn't unfaithful. I've always loved to dance, and I like to dance with women, not on my own; so I'd be out with pals, chatting up other women. I guess it still made me feel young and wanted.

Now don't get me wrong here, I was absolutely besotted with Sue. I worshipped the ground she stood on; so there must have been something missing that I wasn't aware of. I realised later that what we had was great; but not as much as it could have been. Sue liked to watch all the soaps. She didn't have much of a thirst for knowledge like me and she was happy with the status quo. Our love was in attraction, physical and companionship. At the time, I didn't know any different and she was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was happy to tell anyone that I met; and still do. We had our time; and at the time, she was the best thing that ever happened to me.