Chapter 42

4 January 2006

First meditation

It's a new year and it seems like we've so many hurdles in front of us. The kids went back to school today, so it seemed the best time to find quiet time to start the meditation exercises that have been asked of me.

I'm not the 'sit-still, eyes closed and think of nothing' type, so I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Jill and I went to our bedroom, away from any phones, and sat to meditate. I point-blank refused to chant mantra's. I've seen the butts of so many jokes about people sitting, going ommmm. ommmm. ommmm. You have to remember that a few years ago; I was one of the people that would make fun and take the piss; just like many people are going to do the same with me, in the days to come.

Still; if I can't get the connection without it, I guess I'm going to have to do what's asked of me. You see; I'm their test bed. A past negative, non-believer, who's wrapped up in the rat-race of the logical, material world of commerce, technology and media. But for now, I'm going to do it the hard way; without the mantras.

Jill tells me that if she meditates with me; 'her' energy will help combine with 'my' energy to help me 'see the light'. Problem with that is, the first time we sat down together, I just burst into giggles. Now you've got to imagine this. Remember back in your school days, when you weren't allowed to talk or mess around in class? Well there were some of us that just couldn't handle it, and would burst into fits of uncontrollable giggles. That was me.

I'd just had a giggle fit the night before. We'd had fresh veg' for dinner and I'd been warned not to fart in bed. When I got to bed around 10.00pm; we were just settling down to sleep, and I let one go. It was knocking me out. I knew I had to keep quiet, or Jill would get naffed off; and I started to giggle. Then the giggling got worse, until finally the bed was shaking. There were tears streaming down my face. I could hardly breathe for the length of the giggles. My face will have looked like a 'first day in the sun' 12-hour sunburn. Jill does her best to ignore me; unlike what she does. She wants to make sure that I know about hers straight away. She's a cover-wafter you see.

So I was in the mood for giggling. I had to pull on all my 'sensible' resources to get going with the meditation. Jill set an alarm for 15 minutes. Now 15 minutes of conscious breathing in silence; for most people; is a big deal. And I'm no exception.

Eventually I held back the giggles and settled down. You have to inhale deeply through the nose, and exhale slowly through the nose. If you do it through your mouth, you end up getting dry-mouth, which will interrupt you after a time, because of your need for water to re-hydrate. It's also important that you go to the bathroom and 'empty' before you start too.

So there I was; sat comfortably; eyes closed; inhale; exhale; for what I knew would seem like an eternity. Jill asked me to notice any colour changes or shapes in my mind.

After about a third of the way through, an image started to appear. I recognised the type of image straight away. Now I don't know just how many other people experience these images, when they're trying to go to sleep at night, so I'll do my best to describe them to you:

When I'm drifting off to sleep, but my mind is still busy, my brain feels tired, but I have difficulty drifting off to sleep. It's during this time that I start to visualise tiny white shapes of people's faces. They usually appear one at a time. It starts of as a tiny speck of light which seems far away. Gradually the light drifts closer and starts to take the shape of a ghostly white, transparent face. The face is still tiny in comparison to my 'mind's eye' viewing area. Imagine looking at a computer screen with Microsoft opened in 'desktop', with all your icons for shortcuts to programmes. Well these faces don't get much bigger than the icons... usually.

Some times the faces turn round to the left or to the right. Sometimes they shift shape and distort. Sometimes the same face changes shape several times. Sometimes they become head and shoulders. Sometimes two or three appear at once.

But then sometimes they start to move forward, and they open their mouths towards me. Sometimes they turn into the foulest of ghoul-like figures and monsters. They fly towards me like screaming banshees; except without the sound. No matter how I try, I can't get them to go away. There's times when there's a succession of them screaming towards me, one after another. They always fade off to the outer edges of my mind's-eye vision. As they fly towards me, sometimes their mouths open extraordinarily wide, totally out of context with the rest of their face; as though they were trying to swallow my head.

When I told Jill about this a few weeks ago, she explained that they were evil entities that the negative mind conjures up. I'd always thought they were distortions of previous visions in my memory, that my mind played tricks with as you drift into 'alpha state'. A way of emptying unwanted images. Jill explained that they weren't harmful, and I simply needed to call on my guardian angels to get rid of them.

When Jill channelled Beelzebub (Bee-ell-zee-bub) the other day, they came out in force as I tried to get to sleep; so I gave it a whirl. I called on Archangel Azrael, Raphael and Archangel Gabriel to get rid of them. Well! Whadoyouknow; it worked.

So back to the meditation. The little white speck of light had appeared, and it was moving towards me. At first it seemed like another demonic figure. It had a head with what appeared to be solid whisker shapes coming out from it's cheeks and the sides of it's head. It had cat-like features and stripes across it's face. Remember, it was transparent too, so it took time to pick out the detail. Also, the shape moved towards me, disappeared and then started the process again; as though it kept trying to 'get through'. On this occasion though, I knew it wasn't an evil entity, because it didn't open it's mouth at me.

Eventually this faded away and I had a new vision. Imagine an eclipse of the sun, by the moon. I had sun eclipses rise up in front of my eyes. The crescent of the sun was the same size arc as my eyes. They slowly raised up through my mind's-eye vision, one following another. The halo was a yellow-green colour and the background was a very dark red. This continued for about three or four minutes I guess. It was a warm feeling. At the same time I felt a taughtness on my face, from above my nose to my forehead.

After 15 minutes the alarm rang out and I shared my experience with Jill. She explained that the cat-like figure was an entity coming to me to show me strength; like the tiger. The colours rising, was the beginning of my energy vibrations starting to rise. At the moment, we already know my energy vibrations are very low. Archangel Metatron made a point of telling me some time ago. Apparently I have to learn how to raise my energy vibration levels to a much faster speed, to be able to communicate with the angels.

Jill also explained that the taughtness of the face that I felt, may have been me accessing my 'mind's-eye'. She explained that some times her forehead has a piercing pain in the centre of it, when she starts to channel; and this is why she gets headache if she's interrupted and loses the connection suddenly.

Well; there you have it. My first experience at meditation. I probably made more progress than expected, bearing in mind I was told to expect nothing for a long while yet.

I'll continue to persevere with this, 'cos if I can't connect to the spirit world; how am I going to expect others to believe in this new belief?