A New Belief - Newsletter December 2008

Inspiration & Chuckle Corner:- Time for a break - Sit down with a cup of tea and chill with us

Thanks to Julie Gillet in the UK for providing us with last month's uplifting story - The Sandpiper.

This month a special thanks goes to Barb Gillingham in Canada for sending in 'The Old Man' making us laugh; and Sonia Samson in Germany for sending us 'Grandma's Don't Know Everything'; and a big thanks to Demetrio Romero for the following:-

Bob electrocutes himself whilst blow-drying his hair in the bathroom one evening. He suddenly finds himself in heaven. He is somewhat bewildered. His last memory was catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror with frizzy hair as he fell with a thud to the ground. His wonderful spirit-guide Gloria comes to his aid, and settles him in to his new situation. "So how do you think you did Bob?" asks Gloria.

"Well, very well I think. It's hard work down there. Work, trouble, toil, striving to create new situations, overcoming challenges, it's quite exhausting!" replied Bob with frustration in his voice.

"Oh?" replied Gloria "Seems to me that you got everything you asked for"

"Everything I asked for! Have you gone completely mad? I hardly ever got what I wanted. As I said, a lot of toil and trouble, broken dreams, disappointments; just plain hard work."

Gloria placed her hand lovingly on Bob's knee, and with a kind look, gazed into his eyes and said, "No Bob, really, you got everything you asked for. You see, the Universe is like God Inc., and we have departments for everything. Order departments, dispatch, marketing, management, everything; and we're all working for you. Let me show you."

Gloria took Bob by the hand and took him into a very, very, very large building. Hundreds of people were milling around all over the place, carrying books, files, documents; people were shouting across hallways and offices like a busy stock exchange, an absolute sight of busyness. "This is the order department Bob, look around." Gloria invited.

As Bob looked around, he could see fax machines pumping out orders left right and centre, piles of documents several feet high on many desks, documents being passed from one person to another. He was amazed by just how busy it was.

Gloria then took him by the hand to another room and in that room sat one person, with one fax machine next to her desk. As he stood there, the beautiful assistant received a fax which she read diligently, and with a smile on her face, took a rubber stamp that said "Implemented" on it, and crashed it down on the paper with a look of sheer delight on her face. Gloria took Bob out into the hallway and looked at him. "Did you notice the difference between the two order departments Bob?".

"Yes!" replied Bob. "Clearly that small office is for someone special, a senior soul or something, and the other office deals with lots and lots of less important souls."

"No my dear Bob." replies Gloria, "The small office is the order department for a woman on Earth who is clear about what she wants, hardly ever gives into doubt, doesn't feel that she has to compete with others, and is clear about her intentions. The other office, on the other hand, is your order department."

"Yeah, me and half of Earth's population." Bob retorted. "No Bob!" Gloria replied gently. "It is YOUR order department. All of those people and faxes work for you". "They do?" asked Bob.

"Yes Bob, each one of them works for you every moment of the day." says Gloria. "Let me explain." Gloria goes on to explain to Bob that every request he sends out in thought, is received as a fax by God Inc. and implemented. She explains that Bob would send faxes saying something like, "I want a new challenging career, which is well paid, where I am independent and self reliant." The order is approved immediately by God Inc. Bob then goes for an interview and on his way out he sends another fax saying, "I'm not sure I'm good enough for this job, they seem to be wanting to ask a lot of me".

Gloria then explains that this fax, like the first one, is approved and implemented, hence Bob does not get the job, and Bob in return is angry. Gloria takes Bob by the hand and takes him to the office archive where he can see every fax he has ever sent to God Inc. He is stunned. So many contradictory orders concerning health, money, career, relationships, everything! For each subject there are two piles "Orders" and "Cancelled orders".

Bob was amazed to see that the `orders' and `cancelled orders' piles were equal in many cases, and in most cases, `cancelled orders' exceeded `orders'. "But the truth is Bob," Gloria says to him "they are only orders. It is God Inc.'s responsibility to fulfill your every wish and whim. We are duty bound to obey your every command. So when you send us a fax saying, "I'm not sure I can do this." we have to honor it and fulfill that order through your life's circumstances. "

Bob looks at Gloria with wide eyes and says, "So I really did get everything I wanted?" "Yes Bob" replied Gloria "every fax sent to us is honored fully, and it's a pity that you rarely read the faxes we sent you"

"You sent me faxes? When? How often?" Bob replies in disbelief.

"Yes Bob!" Gloria replies with a gentle smile on her face, "Almost every day, most of the time we simply got the busy signal, so we couldn't get through to you. At times we would get creative and send a fax to a close friend who would read it you, but you never really listened or took note.

Over the millennia, we've become very creative. We've sent faxes via friends, psychics, even hidden faxes through TV, Radio and many, many books, but you missed so many of them. A few times, when the line wasn't busy, we did get through, and you would read the fax with great interest, forget it, and then send us another fax asking for the same information. We would then re-send it. You would read it again, ignore it, forget it, dismiss it, whatever, and then re-fax us for the same information over and over again."

"Didn't you get tired with me?" asked Bob. "No Bob, never!" replied Gloria. "That is our job. We only noticed just how tired you were making yourself. So, dear Bob, I would like you to try again. Go back to Earth, upgrade your fax receiving equipment. Pay attention to what you receive, and try to send us fewer, much clearer faxes in future. We are only here to help you Bob."

The Old Man

People were in their pews talking at church.

Suddenly,Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, 'Don't you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain 't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill with a word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I could cause you profound , horrifying, agony for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Well, why aren't you afraid of me?'

The old man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 44 years.'

Grandma's Don't Know Everything

Max was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came
into the house and asked her,

"Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. "'It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Max said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Joshua's mum wants to talk to you."

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