Guardian Angel

Jan/Feb 2010 Newsletter - A warm welcome to all our 265 new members since our last newsletter - Total Number of subscribers 3809

Diary Dates

Come and see us for readings and to catch our free talks. Pre-book your reading by calling Jill on 07968 694866.

06 & 07 Feb 2010
Pleiadian Healing III
For full details visit angelmasterclasses.com

13 & 14 Feb 2010
Archangel Therapy Healing Master Class
For full details visit angelmasterclasses.com

 

20 & 21 Feb 2010
BSSK Mind Body Spirit
Newark

For full details visit www.bssk.co.uk

13 & 14 Mar 2010
BSSK Mind Body Spirit
Elsecar

For full details
Visit BSSK.co.uk

20 & 21 Mar 2010
Pleiadian Healing IV

Contact us for further details.
 

 

Master Class
Dates

Intuitive Tarot
12 & 13 Jun 2010

Ascension Training
26 & 27 Jun 2010

Dowsing for Health
17 Jul 2010 .

Crystal Healing
18 Jul 2010

Archangel Therapy Healing Level 1
4 Sep 2010

Archangel Therapy Healing Level 2
5 Sep 2010 .

 

 

Angel Guided Meditations

We have now recorded 28 angel guided meditations

Meditation is your key to connection to the angelic realm. Each time you meditate, you raise your vibrational level, nearer to the vibrational frequency where you are able to communicate with the angelic realm.

Eons ago, planet Earth was a dark place and connection to The Creator was lost. It took Ascended Master, Lord Sanat Kumara and 144,000 angels to re-establish connection, but in that time our vibrational level has lowered, and we have to work at raising it, so we can communicate with our spirit guides and the angelic realm.

The angelic realm are helping us with this by providing us with many guided meditation CDs.

Heal yourself, connect to the angelic realm and support our mission in the process.

Here's a link to our ebay shop:

 

 

Glenn's Blog
Glenn Harrison

Hello and welcome to my blog!

Need to lose some weight after the Christmas binge? I certainly do, so we decided to give you a special offer to own our latest Guided Meditation CD from Lord Melchizedek:- WEIGHT LOSS.

In this Guided Meditation CD, work alongside Lord Melchizedek to discover what the real reason is for your weight gain. If you know the cause, you can work on the cure. Used regularly, this meditation will help you curb your need to overeat and help you lose weight.

Normally in our shop at £6.99 UK including shipping ($12.98 US), we are offering it to you for a limited time at £4.99 UK and $9.50 US. To grab yourself a bargain click here.

I was always a believer that Americans landed on the Moon in 1969, until I was training a team of business people a few years ago, when, during a break period, we got onto Religion and the Darwinism, and at one point, one of the men said to me, "And I suppose you are one of those people who believe that Man landed on the Moon too?" Whoah!! That stopped me in my tracks. Not too long after, with some research, I watched the conspiracy videos about the 1969 Moon landing. It's been 40 years, and my, how technology has advanced in those 40 years.

So when the rockets were launched just recently from Huston or Canaveral, to crash-land on the Moon, I was curious. The Americans wanted to know how much water was contained in the surface dust on the Moon, in the form of ice, so they may be able to calculate how much water was on the surface of the Moon. They were crash-landing two huge rockets, which housed cylinders which could, by way of vacuum, suck moondust into the cylinders and measure the ice content, which would be electronically fed back to Earth.

Question is, with 40 more years of advanced technology, why didn't they just land there and measure samples, without destroying the rockets, and a good portion of the Moon's surface? Answer? Well, if you follow the conspiracy theory, you'll know that we still don't have the technology to get off the Moon and get back to Earth, and all the filming of the landing 40 years ago, was a scam. So why scam? Well there was the big race to the Moon at the time against the Russians.... and then I read a small article alongside the recent Moon crashing article, headed, 'Who owns the Moon anyway?'.

Duh! The penny dropped. The USA made claim to the Moon on the purported landing in 1969 with the planting of the American flag. Why? For mineral rights! For oil!!! Why else are we fighting all over the world? Look behind the scenes, and in the main, if it's not Religion, it's mineral rights and oil; claiming or protecting. How sad.

Metatron has just told us, we don't need oil from fossil fuel. Diesel cars will run on vegetable oil for example, such as Rapeseed. Metatron tells us that the Earth's oil is the blood of the planet and we are bleeding it dry. He also told us that when the rockets crash landed on the Moon, we killed millions of new life-forms senselessly, and just because we can't recognise them, in their different form, doesn't mean they are not there,

Currently, whoever controls the oil, has mighty power, and our planet is crumbling under the weight of this insatiable lust and greed for power.

Ohh to be able to live like the Avatars in the latest blockbuster film. There was a scene where the leading male character asked Aywah (The Avatar's God), to help them in the war against the humans (who just happened to be raping them for mineral rights on Pandora, their planet). As he did this, the main female role, walked up to him and explained the Aywah doesn't take sides. Aywah's role is to keep the balance of nature on the planet.

'We' were put on planet Earth, according to Metatron, by our creator, God, light, the one conscious energy, to keep the balance of nature, and we were given the free-will to do it. According to Metatron, we are the only species in the Universes, to have been given free will. This is why the Angelic Realm don't directly interfere with us. This is why the can only guide us; that is, until, we get our planet into such a state, that it won't continue to sustain the balance of nature. And that time is near. So think not what little you can do to save our planet. Think what you 'can' do. Stop with the bleach. Stop with the detergents and cleaning chemicals. Look at what you flush down the sink, bath and toilet every day. Look for greener ways to clean. Stop bying non-organic food. Vote with your feet. It's not good enough to talk the talk with your colleagues and not walk the walk in your home.

Can you 'BE' the change?

Can 'YOU' be the change?

Always keep your light on full beam.

Glenn

PS Thank you to all those people who supported us in their wait for products that were ordered, whilst we were away in Florida. It was really appreciated.

January & February Energies

NB - As I can't always guarantee our newsletter gets out on the 1st of every month, therefore I am going to begin doing the energies in advance.

January Energies are Altruism/Compassion. As we embrace the new year, we will begin to notice the divide in human consciousness. Those who are still connecting on a lower energy vibration will display signs of being overly idealistic, selfish and completely focused on rules and regulations. When faced with these individuals, those seeking spiritual growth will be challenged to show compassion and focus on projecting oneness and harmony. Focus your attention towards developing your artistic side and attune yourself to energies that are working towards your awareness and expansion of consciousness. These energies will particularly affect the kidneys, lymph glands and feet, as they are also cleansing and clearing the ability to stay stuck in the past.

Many of us will find ourselves placed into situations where we will be forced to look at our own weaknesses. If you recognise any reoccuring negative patterns, recognise it is time to lay new foundation patterns which will change the future. Expect delays and frustrations until we move towards February.

February Energies - Healing/Frustration. For those who are healers, February heralds a time of frustration and confusion, as we will find ourselves introduced to many others in need of education and revelation. Those who have trod the pathways of suffering and disease will seek out alternative ways to relieve their pain and we will be offered the opportunity not only to help and heal them, but in healing other we have the opportunity to recognise our own blocks.

February is a time of releasing ego attachments. Those walking and working in the service of spirit are asked to remain healthy and open. We must seek to remember at all times the spiritual laws of union, for we are all one and if one person is in pain, we too are in pain. As February energies work on mending and correct improper alignment of all of us. Many humans will feel the need to seek out spiritual centres, be it churches, mosques, healing temples as the energies call out to our souls to be more effecive in helping each other. The alchmical healer will find February a great time of advancement providing they do not allow ego to get in the way.

 

Channelled Message of the Month:
2012 - Archangel Metatron channelled 13 January 2010

Archangel Metatron:Blessings, I AM Metatron and I wish to bring updates and guidance on the current speculation of what may, or may not happen, between now and 2012.

For those of you who read this, it is already known within the spirit realm that those following the spiritual pathway, know the end of the world is not going to happen. The media circus which has now jumped upon predictions and prophecy are ‘cashing in’ upon the fear that keeps the general public eager to read whatever is written. Sadly those who buy into this fear, are not giving much thought to discovering truth.

The Mayan culture, along with other ancient texts, should be looked upon as signposts, not chipped in stone, or as fact. The changes, let us call them transitions at this time, are merely increasing in energy frequencies. It is sad that the vast majority of the human population have very little concern for what is happening within their own neighbourhood, city, state or country. They really are not bothered, until that is, whatever is happening, infiltrates their own lives bringing changes that they had not planned for.

A lot of emphasis has been placed upon the date 21/12/2012 and it is wonderful to report that this day will not be any different to the rest of the days in a given year. Many are awakening to the need for a spiritual way of life. There will be no punishment meted out to those who live differently from religious or spiritual ones. The ascension process, this transition process, is already here, it is happening now, and like an elliptical field, as the energies begin to build and arc, the intensity of these energies will affect the human mind more.

2012 is the end of a cycle. The energies will hopefully signify a time of more harmony and more peace. The energies that are building around your planet will awaken the need to return to spirituality.  Do not listen to those people who choose to use prophecy as a way of creating fear and unbalance in your life. The destiny of the human race is to enter into a new level of consciousness. Be aware your media makes it very difficult for you to discover your own truths.

The transitions that are occurring now and strengthening each day, are to help you understand, and learn, about your home, planet Earth. You all have to realise you are destroying your environment. You don’t pay attention. You don’t blink an eye at the destruction that is taking place on a larger scale.

The Mayan prophecies speak of a need to change. The prophecies speak of the need for compromise, and this is the transition you all face. You need to pay attention and begin to think, and see, the need for compromise. For if you do not stop this destruction, the human race will not survive. The time of turning back and replenishing the environment is fast reaching the point of no return.

You all have to change; the transition period offers you this opportunity to begin a new phase, a new cycle. Many of you still do not understand the need to take action, because of fear. The disinterest you have towards your life support, planet earth will be your own death sentence.

Your economy is struggling and will struggle further; this is to awaken you to the need to release your attachments to materialism.

The earthquakes are and always have been necessary for Planet earth to balance her energies. The intensity of these earthquakes however are also going through an ascension process, this is not God punishing humans. It is, however a time for realising that enlightenment, salvation, heaven on earth, is not going to happen overnight, and it is not something that will be given to you, but something you all will have to learn.

During the coming months, Planet earth will need to balance her energies. If you fail to pay attention to the need to stop draining the resources, earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis could become more prevalent. There is a need to collectively come together and help balance these energies.  The transition changes are similar to purification. You all possess the ability to stop the destruction, if you can learn to respect and value the planet that is your home.

Until you all learn to create harmony within yourselves, you cannot create harmony elsewhere. For those of you involved in spiritual groups, we call upon you all and ask you to gather together and create an energy field, to bring about a greater impact upon those others who are still ignorant of the need to change.

Words will not change the world. Wars will not change the world. Only good energy, the energies of love, harmony and peace can create permanent change. The human consciousness has the ability to affect either.  The spirit of the people is what is needed at this moment in time. The spirit of unity; compassion and love will help you to understand who you truly are, and what you truly can achieve, for it can create great change.

You do not need oil. You do not need atomic weapons, and you do not need all the chemicals. Planet earth and the universe can provide you with clean energies. Look only to building and creating things that no longer require the use of fossil fuels.

Time and time again, like a record on continuous play, meditation is spoken of, and still the human race has not grasped the power meditation plays, not only on a personal level, but on a global level too. When a group of people change their thinking on a group level, they have the ability to change an outcome. You, all of you, can influence energy through the use of your mind, (meditation). Do you really have this power? Yes, all of you possess it. If you wanted to stop all the wars in this world, simply by everyone stopping and sitting and focusing upon world peace, actually visualising the world being held in a loving, tolerant and understanding energy, the energy of your thoughts would affect the critical mass energy. So if you don’t believe you can make a difference, why not change your ‘critical’ thinking to ‘open’ thinking and with a group of friends try this.

The larger the group, the larger the results, and over a period of time, if done on a ‘regular basis’, it will greatly impact upon your world. You will notice I state ‘regular’. The universe operates on cycles of energies; therefore it is not enough to just create an energy field and then stop.

When body, mind and heart are aligned in meditation, it creates a harmonious energy field. This energy field is completely independent and has the ability to influence its immediate environment. This is why if a few people begin to feel angry and anxious in a small area, others begin to absorb this energy, until fighting and arguments break out as a result of the energies. When coming together in large numbers, be it for a wedding, a party or at a workplace, make a point of meditating and manifesting how the day will go. Remember if there is stress, resentment in an area, it will impact upon the energies of those entering into that environment.

Utilise your time wisely if you meet in groups. When a group meditates together it creates a coherence of energy. If this energy remains consistent, the strength of the energies created grows logarithmically. Manifestation comes into being faster; this was originally the purpose of prayer. Mind focus, along with visualisation and intent, has the power to change not only the physical plane, but also the universe. Therefore when you meditate, it is time to grasp you have the power to change, not only your own lives, but the world in which you live in.

Prior to world disasters, many of you tap into the universal consciousness and feel that something is about to happen, but you are unsure of what, when and how. When this happens, you have the power to stop energies building up, by meeting in groups, and creating a critical mass energy focused on peace, harmony, love and abundance. Think upon meditation as a way of creating a laser beam of energy. The quantum of electromagnetic radiation from the energy you create with your thoughts, possess momentum which can travel where ever it is directed.

The transitions you are experiencing cannot be understood purely on a scientific level or, on a spiritual level. They have to be merged together for the whole picture, thereby enabling you to experience and understand the whole meaning of the transitions the universe, your planet and you are experiencing.

Firstly, due to the large increase in solar activity, many of you may feel heavier than normal. Weight gain may be experienced by some, but those spiritually will feel symptoms similar to the flu, as your body is not used to the disparity of energies that are now being integrated into your atmosphere.

We have spoken before of the changes your planet faces. These changes are already happening, and it is happening because school break is over. The time has come for you all to awaken and care about your home planet Earth and each other. The time has come to stop raping the very thing that sustains you, and this, and only this, is the reason for the experiences you are currently having and moving towards.

Simply, the time has come to ‘meditate upon who you are’. Contemplate what you want out of your life’s journey and ‘if’ you are ‘proactively’ working towards changing not only yourself, but those around you. Are you working towards a life that represents in its fullest sense community and the task of caretaker?

You have been granted an opportunity to experience physical life. Part of the conditions of this opportunity were, that you would care for the planet and all of its creatures. You agreed to only take what you needed from planet earth, and in return for your life, you would feed and nourish the source that sustains you:- planet Earth.

2010 energies will offer you the opportunity to evolve, providing that you begin to enter into a time of purity, a time for complete honesty, and to see reality, not the illusion that is placed before you. You need to be free of all complications and begin to see the beauty life can offer you. 2010 energies offer you the chance to reclaim your inner power, and manifest a beautiful life. One of spirituality, abundance and harmony.
Use 2010 to ‘stop’ and ‘think’ what you are doing. Truly think and pay attention to your thoughts, so that you personally are creating energies that support planet earth and life. Use your thoughts to control the destructive areas on planet earth. This is your challenge this year, if you utilise your energies correctly, you will see an unprecedented change in the way you live your lives.

Be aware that the media will try to get you to focus on the plight of the economy, but in reality the money deficits that they speak of do not exist. The money is not physically there. Billions of monetary systems do not exist; the economy is built on nothing that is real. You were never meant to be slaves to this illusion. Why would you work and experience hardship, to pay back something that doesn’t exist? You were meant to create a human economy, where you created balance with each other, so that there was no hunger, no thirst. Money does not create value to the meaning of life.

You all need to change your economy to one which creates food, shelter and support for all, without the need for money. Imagine for one moment that suddenly there were no more shops, no more supermarkets with stocks of food, where would you get this from? How would you survive? Had you tended to planet Earth and as a race, planted and nourished your home, there would be food. Had you utilised natural resources, your water streams would be pure.

Embrace 2010 as a time of change, a phase in which life for all of you can be different. The question you need to ask yourself is, “Do I care enough to ‘be’ that change?”

Blessings.
Archangel Metatron.

Jill's Blog

Hi everyone.... Jill Harrison

Having spent December in Florida it was a wonderful restful experience but also a very enlightening time too.

Sometimes we are so busy that we don't really have time to think about the direction our life is going in and whether or not, it is the direction we really want it to be heading for. Being in Florida gave me a lot of time to contemplate life and it is amazing that just through sitting, meditating and reflecting, new views or opinions begin to form.

I got the opportunity whilst away to visit the movie theatres. We watched '2012' which was a real doomsday film and no doubt whilst brilliantly done, will frighten the lives out of those people who don't understand the spiritual relevance of 2012. We also saw 'Avatar', which although in this instance doesn't relate to a spiritual Avatar; the film was filled with spiritual meaning and showed perhaps a glimpse of how we could be living, minus being dyed blue.

Glenn enjoyed it so much, that he took the boys to see the film again. This allowed me, two hours of bliss and the chance to watch a movie without any interuptions of "I need the loo, mum". The film I watched was 'It's Complicated'. Now you may be wondering why I'm nattering on about films, this is supposed to be a spiritual newsletter after all, but these three films for me, made me think about life, my life and what the future holds for my boys.

It's complicated starring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin, was a poignant look at how relationships don't always go the way we planned and that to say we are supposed to be the "intelligent" ones, we really do make our lives complicated. For many of us, we fill our lives with a lot of meaningless stuff, we hold onto negative memories and we chase things that in reality don't exist. Relationships are hard work for many, but we often loose sight of the person we are living with and we focus on what is wrong instead perhaps of focusing and appreciating what is right. Make a point in 2010 of giving your partner the recognition they deserve and see how it impacts upon your relationship.

I came back from the US determined to live in the now, and to perhaps focus on how my life reflects the type of person I want to be, and how I want my life to pan out.

Archangel Metatron warned us a while ago about creating an emergency kit. Many of us, me included, thought this was for 2012. But as most of us are in the grip of a mini-ice-age, this is the time we need the emergency kits. Archangel Metatron asked us to open our homes to the elderly and people in need, as their ability to keep their houses warm would be reduced significantly. For those of you without gas or electricity, seek out friends and family who do have heating and don't be afraid to ask for help.

The new year is often a time for making resolutions, but why make your life even more complicated and stressed? I am determind to do whatever I can to remove stress from my life. We all have a lot of responsibilities to deal with and during the coming year, I can probably guarantee there will be emotional crises to deal with too. However, it is possible to acheive more by doing less. Yes, that's right, you can acheive a lot more by doing less.

When we keep pushing ourselves to the limit, I certainly did last year, then we don't give ourselves the time to relax and perhaps see things from a different angle. The Greek's apparently have a saying "Everyone should make time for coffee." Now I'm not sure if this saying is true, but to stop for five minutes and not do anything but just enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, will do you the world of good because when you return to your task, you will be more alert and your batteries will have been recharged. You will probably accomplish more by taking a rest every once in a while.

As spring approaches, I intend to sit outside in the garden whilst having my cup of tea. I will however have to reduce my tea intake, as I drink a lot of tea lol, but I hope you get my meaning.

In the USA there are some fabulous spiritual magazines that really focus on living life spiritually. These magazines contain really interesting information, with lots of useful motivational ways in which we can bring spirit into our lives without feeling we have to go out and buy Jesus sandals and start wearing hippy clothes from the 1960's unless you want to of course.

My future blogs will hopefully follow this theme, so if there is anything you feel we could add, or any specific topics you would like me to write about, please email me with your suggestions.

On another note, whilst in the USA I spent a lot of time people watching, and it came to me how many people live a life of reaction. They see something and instantly react to it without much thought of the consequences of their actions. They read something but for fear of confrontation, spread their opinions (without being asked for them) to others and create animosity, instead of having the strength of character to go to the source and discuss their views thereby giving the source the opportunity to put their thoughts forward for consideration. As a race we seem at times to be very intolerant, focused on what we think others 'should be doing' and 'how they should live their lives. I include myself in this. Metatron tells me that we should focus more on why we feel the need to compare ourselves to others and other people's standards.

Acceptance of others regardless of race, religion, creed, beliefs, values etc, is perhaps one the greatest lessons we have to try and learn, I often have a tendency to jump in with both feet. If it wasn't for Glenn, I would have probably found myself in a lot of trouble. Tolerance and keeping my mouth shut isn't one of my gifts unfortunately. I am, however, recognising more and more, that we do not have to always justify our actions, our beliefs, for if we could work towards allowing our higher selves to guide us, we probably wouldn't have these complications in life.

I believe that life for all of us would be less complicated if we remember 'Freedom of Speech'. Every human has the right to voice their opinions, write about their experiences. Every human has the right of choice, whether to listen, read, or believe what is written and yet, we do not honour this right very often in others. We forget that every person has a right to their opinion. As an example, countries invade other countries telling them how they should be living and how they should be raising their children. I often wonder how many wars would have avoided, if we'd followed a golden rule of 'don't interefere with anothers way of life or opinion unless asked to by that person or it threatened your own existence'. A while ago in one of my channellings, I think it was Mother Mary, she said we should learn not to give an opinion unless asked for one. Perhaps if every human embraced this rule our lives would all be a lot less complicated and a lot more peaceful.

I wish you all a wonderful, happy, healthy and abundant 2010. Remember to drop us a line via our contact page if there's any topics you'd like us to discuss, or if you'd be interested in us running a spiritual development Q&A section.

Love, light & Blessings
Jill xxx

   

NEW - Archangel & Ascended Master Mentoring

Would you like to gain wisdom and guidance to help you develop spiritually?
Would you like to have regular training to help you with your life’s journey?

 

From the beginning of March I am offering five people the opportunity to receive and train with a higher spiritual guide. This training will bring you the opportunity for greater self and spiritual awareness, through specific lessons, personal meditations, and higher guidance techniques to aid your advancement at this time.

There are many different areas that you can be guided upon and as each mentoring opportunity is personal, it is impossible to give an indication of what you would cover. However, Archangel Metatron tells me that each trance-channelled session will enable you to grow personally and spiritually. Within every soul lies a myriad of abilities just waiting to be awakened and for those of you who are committed, to regular spiritual and personal development, this opportunity offers you a way of personal support. This mentoring is available everyone and you do not have to be resident in the UK to take part.

If you feel you would like to partake in this, in the first instance please e-mail or telephone me on (44) 1777 710999. Remember if you are calling from overseas, the time difference, (we are GMT London). We are often telephoned at very late times in the evening and the early hours by customers not aware we are on another time zone. Now if you're Johnny Depp I wouldn't mind lol, but please remember we have a young family.

The Archangel and Ascended Master Spiritual Mentoring Sessions will be by way of either a posted audio CD or an emailed MP3. Each session will consist of guidance and lessons for you to work on, including at times, personal meditations. It is important to understand that with all training, the results received will vary depending upon your willingness to integrate and dedicate yourself to this training.

On-going support from myself will also be available via email or msn messenger. Payment for this training is £45 each month for a series of three months (£135), payable in full, in advance. Further sessions will be available after you have completed your initial three months training.

IMPORTANT - As you will be working with powerful energies, please be aware that you will be required to fill in the following disclaimer, sign and date this and return it by post before you can begin your mentoring. A copy of this will be emailed to you upon receipt of your payment.

I understand that this mentoring programme is experimental, but conducted as part of Spiritualism being a religion philosophy and a science. I acknowledge and understand that as such, the results and my unfoldment as a spiritual being cannot be guaranteed. I understand that I will not be compelled to engage in anything against my free will. I understand that some of these practices may involve my experiencing an altered state of consciousness and that my tutor Jill Harrison and www.anewbelief.com cannot be held responsible for any symptoms or side-effects caused by entering into this training. I confirm that I accept total responsibility for my well-being. I hereby confirm that I am not taking any substances, medical or otherwise, that could impair my judgement. I do not know of any medical or psychological reason why I should not participate in this and all future activities. I shall advise www.anewbelief.com should my circumstances change. I'm not under the age of 16 years. My signature to this document is my consent to participate in these activities and that I understand the above conditions
.

   
Chuckle/Inspiration Corner
   

It is not our intention to offend you, just to brighten your day, perhaps make you think about something differently, and remind ou to enjoy, laugh and live life.

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

***-***

Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?

He got stuck in Orbit!

***-***
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,"Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces,"Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know -
you left your Injun running..
."

 
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